she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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