dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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