When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
