Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
