I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
