I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
