I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.