I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone