We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".