don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?