Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high