Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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