Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
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My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
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