dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
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