They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
