something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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