I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Randomize
