My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
