this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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