I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
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I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
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Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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