it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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