Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
You're a waste of cheezeits
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
