I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
