I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
