so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
handjob tips. give me some.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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