I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
