we're blogging at a bar
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
She's the barista slut.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
