I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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