I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
