I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
