i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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