she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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