Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
