pedialite and red bull = repair kit
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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