We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
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You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
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The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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