I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
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Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
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Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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