Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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