So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
