I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
My vagina is officially offended.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
