My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
