i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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