he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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