just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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