...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
