I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
so much tequila, so little girl.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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