i need an iv and a liver transplant
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
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