You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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