No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
