I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
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