I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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