I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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