I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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