so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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