Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
