Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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