you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
