A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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