Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(646): View more from New York

it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet

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(704): View more from North Carolina

You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.

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(254): View more from Texas

oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.

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(817): View more from Texas

So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...

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23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
Read it at the TFLN blog
(540): View more from Virginia

I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.

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(718): View more from New York

If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.

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(216): View more from Ohio

My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.

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(402): View more from Nebraska

I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha

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(613): View more from Ontario

So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.

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