I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
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its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
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You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
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