On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow