there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
