Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
