I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
