it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
