im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
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