He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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